“None of This Would Have Happened if I Had Stayed Home”: A Reflection on Prayer for the World

A reflection from one of our sisters in Christ living abroad.

I had a rough week struggling with self-indulgence, judgement, irritability, and the sins of the tongue overall. It culminated in an agitated night of weird, lustful and convoluted dreams in which I had no control whatsoever over myself. I woke up feeling disgusted and dirty. I confessed it all to Christ and proceeded to pray the Purity Rule and my morning prayers. I had initially planned to stay home today to rest, but the sound of construction machines outside of my window was getting sensorially overwhelming, so I decided to go visit my uncle and check on his wife.

I got in the subway and sat down. Within my view were what first appeared to be a mom and her daughter, because of the significant age gap and seeming familiarity between them, but as soon as the train started moving they got closer and started frolicking and kissing like lovers. I felt physically sick, but fixed my eyes on the floor, and started praying. 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. 

A thought crossed my mind: as nauseated as I felt seeing this behaviour from people who probably don’t know any better, God was surely more repulsed with my repeated sins, since I, as an Orthodox Christian, have no excuse for myself. Yet, He still loves me and forgives me every time. I was suddenly hit with contrition for my sins, my heart started aching. I’m not worthy. I kept praying: 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.  

A beggar was crossing the wagon and stopped next to me. I gave him a bill that I had in my pocket, thanking God in my heart for this opportunity to help. On the next stop, an elderly woman came in and didn’t find any available seats. I stood up and gave her mine, again filled with gratitude. A pattern was starting to emerge: the Lord was giving me opportunities to repent. Father’s words resonated in my ear: “Do not miss the time of your visitation.” My prayer gradually evolved into praying for all the people in my line of sight. They were all icons, only distorted by the fall. 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.  

God loves them all. My pain of heart turned into sweetness, and my eyes got misty. In that state of mind, I got out at my stop for an interchange, but I still had 15 minutes to kill before the next train, which would normally bug me, but I thought, may it be blessed! I walked around the train station, until I heard “Excuse me ma’am?” A woman was lost and needed directions. I led her to the nearest exit and showed her where she needed to go. Thank God! I headed back towards the platform and a man walked towards me, exclaiming: “Angel of God! You will help me get in!” It was almost comical at that point. He had no ticket, so I beeped him in with mine. My train was waiting for me. All in God’s timing.

Inside the train, I reviewed everything that had happened in the last half hour, still in awe. Outside my window, the train was passing by an area full of graffiti. One of them caught my eye: “JESUS SAVES.” Tears came, and wouldn’t stop. I kept praying, and weeping in the middle of public transportation. 

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me. 

God is amazing. I finally arrived at my destination, wiped my face with my sleeves, and got out. As I was walking towards my uncle’s apartment, I saw a flower shop on the other side of the road and decided to make a stop to get a bouquet for his wife. God knows she could use some joy, I thought. As I was browsing through the flowers, I heard a loud noise followed by the sound of screaming behind me. A woman crossing the street was hit by a car, and was lying on the road crying in pain. Okay, God. I rushed towards her, introduced myself as a doctor, and with the help of other bystanders made sure she was stable and secure, contacted an ambulance and her husband, and stayed with her while we waited for help to arrive. I kept praying. 

Most Holy Theotokos, save her. 

Once the paramedics and her husband arrived, I excused myself. I bought the flowers, gave them to Sabrine, and she smiled. What a day – and none of this would have happened had I stayed home.

Glory to God for all things.